The Walk | Ed’s Inspirations

There is a 74k trail from Sowaqua Creek near Hope through the mountains to Tulameen BC. It was a fur trade route used by 100’s of men and animals between 1849 and 1860. Today most people take 4-6 days to hike it. As a non- stop trek it takes about 24 hours. I had planned to hike this as a through hike which means you hike it from start to finish without a tent and overnight gear.

Life is rich when it unfolds at the speed of a man's walk. My hands curled comfortably around my hiking poles as the kilometers passed and the mountains loomed. As the early  morning moved into mid-day lassitude I still felt good enough, a-pace with self and energy. Many hours later, fifteen hours in, someone turned off the lights and the frost heaved peaks were diminished by dusk. My whole body knew fatigue and I wondered if this pain would be useful. It had me rationing my energy and now I had to pay attention as feet and path disappeared in the twilight of the day. I felt the giddy wash of adrenaline as the night was filled with the sounds of creatures. The dark is a limiting blanket but also a tool that enhances the other senses as well as the inward journey.

What makes a man kick a fallen branch off the trail? Would I be forgiven for stepping over it? I’ve come a long way and still have a long way to go. It’ll take energy to move that stick to the margins. Would that be wasted energy?  Am I allowed to relax my self imposed obligation, my responsibility?  Is God keeping score? If not, then why am I? God knows we operate out of our beliefs, our commitment, our resolve to be perfect. Is that what counts? We can’t help God, can we? We try to patch old wineskins into functional use. Fix the old nature? We don’t do it with right behaviour though, although that may come. Only through right relationship. Living in time and space means the path just ahead is invisible. You can’t predict the next instant, ever, so you give yourself to trust. Or fear.   Is fear warranted and trust foolhardy?   Do you know the One who is trustworthy?

I was lost for a number of hours when a shortcut almost ended my dream. It was midnight, 18 hours on the go and I ended up in a denuded landscape, 14k down a logging spur that ended abruptly. I realized I had walked 14k down  the wrong road, and lost 1000m of elevation.  Everything about creation calls us outside, but not this. I was super discouraged!  My one concession to added weight was a half pound mat and a light down jacket in the event I was too tired to continue and needed to lie down for a bit. I fought waves of despair and anxiety, I knew I wouldn't die but I was concerned about my level of fatigue and how I could trudge back up the nearly 1000m elevation  and the 14k I had lost. Mostly though, how my loved ones would feel when I wasn’t in Tulameen in the morning. When you can’t face the real world you hide under a blanket (in this case the stars). I dozed for less than 10 minutes, trying to shut the dread out of my heart and it was a respite from a kind of sick feeling.  I thought of those who have lived with loss of heart, who don’t have the luxury of a down jacket and toque. I knew my journey would end in a day or so. 

When I woke with a shiver I  got to my feet and started slowly back up the road with the familiar click of knees reminding me of my plight. I kept my misgivings to myself, and I searched for joy….I was doing what I loved, wasn't I?  Time crawled by as I walked, I had companions, not just the range cows that gathered around snuffling in darkness (freaky), but every time I woke from a reverie, finding myself alone I realized yet again I was being hoodwinked by fatigue and dehydration. There was no one here but me (and Him). Joy can be like a near painful prick of the heart that rediscovers its rightness. A rightness that burgeons within the gaze of the beautiful God who looks at and really sees us. I once watched a christian woman stop children from running through the pews after a service. She snapped “This is God's house” somehow not knowing God was not contained in a building but rather in those children. The young ones looked confused. They learned to check their unseemly joy, but what is a heart for? Should we diminish the heart for the sake of dignity? What do we think holiness is?

After hours on autopilot I had retraced my way and was back on the correct track again. I had a steep climb to the top of a high ridge where the undulating trail would eventually lead towards the long 19k to the Tulameen River.   This was the test piece of the trek and my rubric was mind over matter here. I tried real hard to keep going but had to concede a few short 2 minute breaks, my speed though was slow and rationing energy on a long trek of this kind becomes impossible. Once I took the luxury of laying on the turf for a full 5 minutes. Relentless  bugs and the knowledge that zero movement meant prolonging this body pain spurred me on. Is there a place within that cocoons us in hardship, I think so, this is a mercy. At the top of the ridge I noticed a fire to the east, the fire of early dawn. My spirit was revived and I had a sweet moment of gratitude for living in the here and now. Dawn turned into early morning as I navigated a switch-backing fireweed trail through the dew.

The Tulameen River was easily wadeable and felt refreshing to my bare feet and legs. This was the official start/end to the trail. I figured when I got here I would hitch a ride to the town down the Tulameen Forest Service Road. A few cars passed by me but weren’t in the mood to pick up a weary traveler. Couldn’t they tell I was someone who had travelled so far. It entered my mind to embarrass myself by wildly waving at a vehicle to slow it down. The road was flat though and I would carry on one foot in front of the other, just like I had done forever.  What was another 6k?

Walks like this are paths which in turn lead to lands yet undiscovered within oneself. You are asked to give, to keep on giving, when giving more hurts you can’t stop so you keep on giving more . This is just the physical though. You draw on inner reserves and you can do just one more step and then one more. Our lives are sacred because they have been given meaning by God and they are also resilient. What lands or paths do you discover when you are stretched taut in your struggle? We carry a trace of God and that means we can respect ourselves and live to love those around us. You can’t control your circumstances but you can control your attitude. Your beliefs and mores will always affect the degree of self love you have  and have the power to influence others lives. Where are you now? Perhaps it matters more what direction you are heading. Also cut your self some slack, the grace I know does.